Tomorrow
by Luxor Nautalis
Summary: She brings out the best in me. She keeps me stable and sane, and she keeps me from falling into the darkness again. But I'm no good for her. Buffy x Faith


**Disclaimer;** I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, their characters, their plot, theme or names, and I do not claim ownership to them. However, I DO claim ownership to my writing, so please don't steal =)

**Authors Note**: This events of this story takes place a few years after 'Chosen'. Buffy and Faith are in Cleavland, and they began their relationship shortly after closing the Hellmouth and the destruction of Sunnydale. Suggested reading music is 'Tomorrow' by Chris Young, since it is the song that inspired this fic.

I hope you enjoy, and don't forget to review and let me know how I'm doing!

**Rating; **T

**Pair;** Buffy x Faith

I have to savor this moment; the sound of her heartbeat thumping against my ear as my head is pillowed against her bare chest, the unique smell of her - orange and honeysuckle with a hint of sweat, sex and me - filling my senses, her skin, as soft as silk, beneath my fingertips.

It'll be the last time I hear, smell and feel these things in a while.

The turning point is coming, I can feel it. It's as tangible as the hum in my blood whenever I'm near her.

You see, B and I have a very difficult relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love her with every ounce of goodness in my blood-stained soul, but sometimes love isn't enough, and I'm beginning to think that we were never meant to be together.

I belong to her and she belongs to me, but we don't belong together...Ironic, huh?

We go through these phases when we're perfectly fine and things are going great. Like any other couple in love, we go on dates and we snuggle on the couch, we hold hands and stare dreamily into one another's eyes and, of coarse, we fuck.

Well, I guess we don't really fuck. I can't consider what I do with B fucking, and she's probably the only person I've ever made love to.

But I'm getting off topic.

For a few weeks, things are great, and everything is as it should be. But then, something happens and then we're yelling, sayin' things we don't mean just to hurt each other - most of the time, we succeed - and that leads to us wailin' on each other, then I skip town. It's inevitable. The goodness only lasts for a couple weeks, at most a month...it never lasts, though, no matter how good things are going and no matter how much we love each other and how hard we try to keep everything okay. There's always that turning point.

I always come back, though. I can't stay away for long, no matter how hard I try, and, deep down, I don't want to stay away for too long. I need her, and if I'm without her for too long...well, badness ensues.

I come back and we say sorry. We forgive each other and the whole entire process starts over again. Rinse, wash, repeat.

This time was no different. I managed to stay away for eight months before I came running back. We had our few weeks of goodness, and I know the shit is about to hit the fan. Like I said, I can feel it.

But I'm sick of hurting her. I'm sick of seeing her beautiful green eyes well with tears and hearing her sniffle even as I grab my leather jacket and head for the door. It kills me, every single time, and I can't do it again.

So, for the last week, I've been trying to work myself into leaving before the fight happens. I've been trying to talk myself into skipping town before I have to hurt her again, and she has to hurt me. My head tries to reason with me, tellin' me to get the hell out of Dodge before that turning point comes, and my heart screams that this time will be different.

But I know that's not the truth. We always try to say thing will change this time around, that we'll talk about our issues and have a healthy, stable relationship and, for a while, we both believe it. Until the yelling starts. Until she says something stupid to set me off, or I say something stupid that sets her off and the rest is history.

This time will be different. This time has to be different.

'Cause I don't know how many more times we can go through this self destructive, never ending process before we finally reach our breaking points and we say or do things that can never be forgiven.

So, I've made up my mind. Tonight is the night. I'm gonna savor her scent and bask in her touch for as long as I can before I walk out that door for good. Because I can't hurt her anymore.

So I hold her as tight as I possibly can. I take deep breaths through my nose in an effort to memorize her scent, and I study every single inch of her perfect face as she sleeps. I think she knows it's coming, too. 'Cause even in her sleep, she's clinging to me just as tightly, her face is buried in my hair and she's taking deep breaths through her nose. When we made love, her touches were more gentle and tender, her kisses longer and her passion brighter. She took her time, as if she was remembering ever inch of my body, just like I did to her.

I get some sort of peace from the that fact. Maybe, just maybe, she's going to miss me as much as I'll miss her. Maybe she'll long for me like I will for her. Maybe she'll wait for me like I'll always wait for her.

Or maybe, I'm wrong.

Maybe she's doing these things not because she'll miss me or long for me or wait for me, but because she needs closure so she can finally move on, so she can move past me to bigger and better things. Maybe she's doing these things because she knows they'll be the last time, and she wants to remember.

What we have is volatile. It's unstable and unhealthy, and maybe she's finally realized that and she's had enough. We had our last sha-bang, and she's going to go out into the world and find herself a nice guy she can marry and have a family with. Maybe she knows that we're past the point of salvation. Are we? Have we passed that point where there's nothing left to save? Has all the bad outweighed all the good? Are we passed the point of no return?

God, I hope not.

But if we are, I'll let her go. There's nothing more that I want that for her to be happy, even if it's not with me. And yeah, I wanna be fucking selfish and keep her to myself and I probably would if she was anyone but her, but I can't do that to her. She's given me too much to be selfish. She's given me a home, she's given me back some semblance of light in the darkness of my life, and I can't pay her back like that.

I could cling to her until she breaks and we both hitch a ride to hell with each other, but she's been through enough hell already in her life.

She's seen too much, done too much. She deserves some normalcy, some stability. She deserves better than me. She deserves to be with someone who doesn't hate themselves. she deserves someone who hasn't done the things I've done.

Because, no matter how much good I've done, my hands are still covered in blood. That's the funny thing about that...you can wash 'em and scrub under your fingernails until they bleed, but even after the red has been washed away and the water is clear, the blood is still there. I can see it, even now.

I shouldn't be aloud to touch her. I'm tainted, and she's pure.

She brings out the best in me. She keeps me stable and sane, and she keeps me from falling into the darkness again. But I'm no good for her.

Until I can find myself and come to terms with what I've done, I can't be with her. Because I'll always hate myself, and you know what they say; You can't love someone else until you love yourself. Every time we fight, ever word we say and every punch we throw is because I can't handle it.

Yeah, that's right. I admitted it...our fights are my fault. Well, most of them anyway.

But, this time will be different. This time, I won't go running back just because I need her. I have to stay away this time, until I find out who I am and come to terms with the things I've done, because it's what she deserves. She needs someone who can love her completely, someone she can be proud of. So I'll stay away from her until I'm worthy of the love she's given me. I'll stay away until I've become person she think I am, no matter how long it takes.

And so I look at her one last time. I take a deep breath. I brush my thumb against her cheek. I press my lips ever-so-softly against her own. One last time...

Then I'm pulling out of her arms and slipping back into my clothes. I miss her warmth almost immediately, and my body screams at me to slip back into bed, into her arms where I belong, but I don't. I tie my combat boots and I take a moment to study her as she lays there, her naked body bathed in the moonlight streaming through the window.

When I'm sure the picture of her in my mine will never fade, I pad back toward the bed and I lean over and I kiss her gently on her forehead.

"I love you." The whispered words go unanswered in the darkness, but I didn't expect her to answer them. I just needed to say them one last time.

So, with those last words, I head toward the door, forcing my feet to move and my hand to turn the handle. I'm just about to step through when I hear something that makes me freeze.

"Faith?" She calls to me, her voice strong and alert, and it makes we wonder just how long shes been awake.

I don't turn around...I can't. If I do, if I look her in the eyes I won't be able to do it.

Instead, I stare at the pictures on the wall across from me, my hand still on the handle and my body still half-way through the threshold. "Yeah?" My voice breaks, and I hate myself for that.

"Come back to me..." Her voice is soft, almost a whisper, and I can hear the sadness in it. My eyes clench shut against my will and my lips curve into a soft smile.

I think briefly about saying something sarcastic, or telling her that I'm only going out for doughnuts and coffee, but she knows me better than that, and I can't force my last words to her, for a while at least, be a lie.

My hand tightens on the doorknob in an effort to keep myself for turning, and I whisper back the first thing that comes to my mind. "Always."

Then I'm out the door, forcing the usual confident swagger into my step, and I manage to make it to my car and down the road before the tears fall.

**Parting Words;** I'm unsure if I'm going to continue this...I've always been the type for a heart-felt, loving reunion, but I think that the reunion part would kinda ruin the bitter-sweetness, ya know?


End file.
